Cycle Comic

cycle 1: time, nostalgia, love idea,l, "2 [Love]" (cuteness, caring, spiritual warmth, loving-kindness, unbias, comforting) and possible halo effect, time ideal
cycle 2: age, sad, stress, love, work, (epiphany?), die
cycle 3: self unlike, self loathing, disgust [? sex], love

TIME:
"i'm going to love you even if i feel like shit"; but time gave it up.
high school was the defning moment of my social life, up to now. i wonder, sometimes, how other define me.
drugs? love? cuteness? do i turn guys gay? time?
what is time?
it's something i'll never have enough of.
(TIME MONTAGE:[CYCLE 2])
we grow up, we get sad, we get stressed, it pays off: we love. waccomplish our life goals: we win. then, we pass onto another realm of life: heaven.
*it is a pattern. life is full of them, and if we learn the patterns [of life], we learn how and why to live.
so, where am i now?
i'm between [part two and three:] sad and stress- i'm learning.
and i'm i'm sad enough, i'll learn to love. if i learn enough about others [that is], and sadness will get me that.
NOSTALGIA:
*i saw it once. i loved a girl, jacquie, and she loved me.
we laughed, we cried, we fucked.
i learned, she didn't she didn't "get" me.
i lied, i cried. she loved me again. but then, she learned. i saw her learn.
my simulacrum tears taught her to doubt, she moved on.
simulation became sincers, i hated myself. i was lost.
*nostalgia took over. i can still cry, but not for myself:
for my hurt friends.
if they cry enoug, like i did, i'll learn,
like jacquie did.
2 LOVE [Love Ideal]
now, again, I am in love. with a new girl, named sarah
i went to her to [have her] cr on my, so i can learn. i want to fuck her body *and fuck with her brain.
she needs to know, i own this girl's motal coil.
so that i [myself] can press on.
2 [Love]
she is breaking, her dog is dead. i'm not learning, sarah: why should i care?
show me your real misery, that which may substitute my own.
she'll talk for hours about er parents' divorice,
much like my folk's own, but i wasn't upset about that. why would i be?
but she'll talk, and i'll listen.
she won't put out, no more than a cure. she's a "pure" christian.
she's not like me, but she's sad. what would i learn?
*she knows how to shake me of my once feigned sadness.
she knows i'm selfish, that i need her to stay alive.
*she knows i'll never be a man [or: "the man that i want to be"].
TIME IDEAL
life is full of patterns, and death ice a cyclictic motion.
here lies sarah, dead.
she ran away from me, to find god.
to find god in herself.
age, sad, stress, love, work.. deal. tio'me been pushed too fast. dear sarah.
shere was so much car in your unsteady heart, you taught me to know *myself, taught you to hate me.
but, in the process, you didn't teach me to hate me [or: myself].
you taught me to love [CUT: and that's an advance].

3.20.08!